a new year

Earlier today I met up with three other friends to catch a movie. The invitation came on Wednesday over email, and as we all made our replies, I agreed somewhat reluctantly to come along.

I kept rationalizing why it would be wise to stay home: the movie would cost money, the theatre would be busy and I'd be gone over the dinner hour. Even as I sat behind the steering wheel on the way there, I felt bad about leaving Scott home with the kids. Any mom knows that "the witching hour" is one of sheer craziness.

After finally finding a parking spot and making the long, cold walk into the theatre, I was greeted with hugs and smiles. My attitude started to change as we chatted briefly about Christmas. But I still wasn't convinced. Our four-some made our way to the over-priced snack counter where I learned that I could indulge in a kiddie soda and popcorn (with refills!) for just $4.50. It was there that I used up the last bit of change on a gift card, making my grand total for the whole movie adventure just $8.

We walked into the theatre as the previews had just started rolling and were stuck in the front row. I allowed that negativity to creep up just a little bit more before throwing back my head onto the seat and letting my eyes catch up with the screen. I exhaled and became completely absorbed in the movie for the next two hours.

As it turns out, going to this flick was a great decision. I drove home feeling refreshed, uplifted and excited. Sure the inspirational movie made a great impression on my mood, but being in the company of other girlfriends and leaving behind my life for just a few hours felt awesome.

Sometimes I just need a nudge. A gentle push, really. And I think my experience today brought back a view that I hadn't seen for the last several months, if not longer. Control issues aside, I've been absorbed in analysis, scrutinizing schedules and breaking down bedtime routines. I've been trying desperately to make sense of Andrew's needs, to provide Morgan with memorable Christmas moments and to keep our household running smoothly in a way that makes Scott look forward to walking through the back door every night.

In doing all that, I've lost sight of myself. Completely normal, I'm sure, for any mom. But I'm realizing I need to reconsider where I stand in midst of it all. I need to be filled up before I'm able to do that for anyone else.

A new year. A new perspective. One that I hope I'm able to keep a priority not just for my sake, but for the rest of my family.