can't help myself


I said I wouldn't do it, but as each month passes and Andrew's abilities start to become more developed, I find myself thinking back to Morgan at the same age. We recently hauled up the giant exersaucer from the basement (Andrew loves it, by the way) and I looked back in our photo files to determine when Morgan started playing in it. And then it happened. I browsed each of Morgan's first five months of life and found myself pulling up all of the photos of Andrew to - gasp - COMPARE them.

It seems that we've unintentionally taken very similar snapshots of the kids around the same time frames in their lives. I was amazed to find the similarities and thought you might enjoy seeing them, too.

Morgan - 3 weeks

Andrew - 3.5 weeks



Morgan - 4 weeks

Andrew - 4 weeks



Morgan - 10 weeks

Andrew - 14 weeks



Morgan - 19 weeks

Andrew 18.5 weeks



Morgan - 21 weeks

Andrew - 19 weeks

a shared experience


With some Christmas cash and a discount through our grocery megastore, I bought an iPod Nano on Sunday afternoon! What a nifty little piece of technology. Seeing as I've never owned an MP3 player before, this was very exciting to me.

Thinking that this was a personal device, one that could only be enjoyed by a single user with earbuds, I never considered purchasing one. Then Morgan's interest in music took off. CDs were constantly being shuffled in and out of the players in our car and home system. Between my favorites and hers, we were at any given time, changing out five discs between several different sources. That's all it took.

I started asking my friend and sister about their iPods, about iTunes and about how it all worked. It was organizational bliss! And as a proud owner, I'm now convinced about how great they are.

Morgan has taken quite an interest in how the iPod works, asking to listen through the earbuds on that first night and making sure it comes with us in the car each day. Here's the two of us on Sunday evening, experiencing it together.
















Disclaimer: Morgan isn't allowed to listen through earbuds or headphones - I can only imagine the damage that could be done to her tiny little ears. In the photo, she's holding her bud outside her ear with close supervision!

white bread


I don't know exactly how old I was or the year that my grandparents moved from "up north" to that corner brick ranch on Giddings, but I do remember our Saturday afternoons spent there in the late 80s.

After lunch Sarah, Joel and I would get in the car with Dad and make the cross-town journey to see Grandma and Grandpa M. (Mom stayed home. And now, being a mother myself, I completely understand why!) As our car turned and made it's way down my grandparents' street, I'd always look to see if my aunt, uncle and cousins had arrived. They, too, were a part of this Saturday afternoon tradition.

We'd enter through the breezeway and make our way into the warm kitchen on the back of the house where the scent of homemade bread greeted us. A quick glance to the countertop showed several loaves of freshly baked bread, lined up and covered with towels. And a peek into the fridge always revealed cold cans of Faygo.

Upon arrival, the necessary tools and accompaniments were put out: a perfectly clean dish holding room temperature butter, a jar of creamy peanut butter, several knives, paper plates and napkins. We were ready to dig in.

If memory serves me, I think it was Grandpa who most often sliced the bread, followed in a close second by Grandma. Inexperienced slicers were NOT allowed to touch, smoosh or mangle the heavenly loaves. The repercussion? Grandma's irritation verbalized in a tiny little huff, barely audible, but followed by a "Well, Carl..." Enough said.

Peanut butter always adorned my bread. And most often, I'd reach for root beer to wash it down. Sometimes I would join the adults around the kitchen table. My dad and his brother were great at tossing quick humor back and forth, and being in the company of all the laughter was invigorating, even if much of the content was over my head. Usually, though, I'd head down to the basement where, with my siblings and cousins, we'd watch the enormous console television controlled by the corded white box that sat on the coffee table. Getting a place to sit on the gold couch was a priority; on either end near the two-tiered side tables, even better.

After a couple hours of hanging out, we'd say our goodbyes and make our way home where Mom would be waiting in the kitchen, getting things around for dinner. We'd pull in the garage and open the door to a brand new set of scents.

Those simple Saturday afternoons at my grandparents were memorable. It was a come-as-you-are, no expectations kind of visit. If you could make it? Great. If not? See you next time. There was always a next time.

So why the trip down memory lane today? Bread making and baking was our recent craft at MOPS, and an extra bag of ingredients was sent home with me. So this morning I followed suit. And by early afternoon, that familiar scent filled the house. Scott, Morgan and I were enjoying slices of warm bread with peanut butter. We sat at the kitchen table, and all I could do was think of my grandparents.

Cousins: Celebrating a birthday at the house on Giddings


Pictured are Sarah, Amy, Kevin, me, Joel

therapeutic


We've finally received a substantial amount of snow around here. Brace yourself. Three whole inches!

So this morning - after Scott left for work, after Andrew was taking his first nap, after I conceded and let Morgan watch Sesame Street - I bundled up with a monitor in my pocket and made my way outdoors. The garage door lifted. I grabbed one of the shovels and spent the next 30 minutes clearing the driveway and sidewalks.

At the end of the block I could see another man shoveling his own walk. A few minutes later, a lone car drove past, it's muffler noise muted by the blanketed snow. All was quiet. So peaceful and still.

No cries for Mommy. No squeals from Abby and Elmo. No neighbors outside yet. No rumbling snowblowers.

Just me and my shovel. And the silence.

a new year


Earlier today I met up with three other friends to catch a movie. The invitation came on Wednesday over email, and as we all made our replies, I agreed somewhat reluctantly to come along.

I kept rationalizing why it would be wise to stay home: the movie would cost money, the theatre would be busy and I'd be gone over the dinner hour. Even as I sat behind the steering wheel on the way there, I felt bad about leaving Scott home with the kids. Any mom knows that "the witching hour" is one of sheer craziness.

After finally finding a parking spot and making the long, cold walk into the theatre, I was greeted with hugs and smiles. My attitude started to change as we chatted briefly about Christmas. But I still wasn't convinced. Our four-some made our way to the over-priced snack counter where I learned that I could indulge in a kiddie soda and popcorn (with refills!) for just $4.50. It was there that I used up the last bit of change on a gift card, making my grand total for the whole movie adventure just $8.

We walked into the theatre as the previews had just started rolling and were stuck in the front row. I allowed that negativity to creep up just a little bit more before throwing back my head onto the seat and letting my eyes catch up with the screen. I exhaled and became completely absorbed in the movie for the next two hours.

As it turns out, going to this flick was a great decision. I drove home feeling refreshed, uplifted and excited. Sure the inspirational movie made a great impression on my mood, but being in the company of other girlfriends and leaving behind my life for just a few hours felt awesome.

Sometimes I just need a nudge. A gentle push, really. And I think my experience today brought back a view that I hadn't seen for the last several months, if not longer. Control issues aside, I've been absorbed in analysis, scrutinizing schedules and breaking down bedtime routines. I've been trying desperately to make sense of Andrew's needs, to provide Morgan with memorable Christmas moments and to keep our household running smoothly in a way that makes Scott look forward to walking through the back door every night.

In doing all that, I've lost sight of myself. Completely normal, I'm sure, for any mom. But I'm realizing I need to reconsider where I stand in midst of it all. I need to be filled up before I'm able to do that for anyone else.

A new year. A new perspective. One that I hope I'm able to keep a priority not just for my sake, but for the rest of my family.



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