When I was little, celebrating our nation's independence was pretty fun. We ran around with all my cousins and waved sparklers during the bon fire. We watched the official fireworks display over the waters of Gun Lake. Good times.
Well now it seems that sparklers are no longer good enough, at least in my neighborhood. Since last Saturday (that would be June 23, JUNE 23!!!), I've gone to bed listening to neighbors near and far light off fireworks. Why? What is the thrill?
When I told Scott I was going to blog about this annoyance of mine, he said, "Honey, people like fireworks."
"Not THIS people," I replied.
If I may be so bold... fireworks are a waste of my money, provide little gratification and are disruptive to others. Especially on cool nights when gentle breezes are supposed to be blowing through my windows. Not to mention they are dangerous.
There. I've said it. If you get excited about loud noises and flashy lights, that's great. Go to Las Vegas. You'll find lots of noise and lights there. Me? No thanks. I'm off to bed.
noise and lights?
tigers for two
This afternoon, Scott and I enjoyed the Tigers game, thanks to his employer, from a suite filled with delicious food and a great view. Despite the loss, we had a great time!
a risky obedience
It's no secret that my first week back at work has been a stuggle. Not just for me emotionally and physically, but spiritually. I have been praying for direction about what to do, wondering if I am supposed to trust God like I've never trusted Him before and quit my job? Or live the old addage "no one said life was fair", and by doing so, suck it up and literally pay for decisions that we've made in the past three years.
Either option introduces change, which is always tough for me to handle. We either take steps backwards to downsize our lifestyle and live paycheck to paycheck (or less than that!) on one income, or maintain our frugal attitudes and let someone else enjoy the day-to-day responsibilities of raising our sweet Morgan.
These choices also mean exercising faith. And I received an email today that spoke volumes. The timing couldn't be more perfect. Here's an excerpt from the "Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotional". This one is written by Jon Walker:
June 28, 2007
“… Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of ….”
(Luke 19:26 MSG)
In order to obey God, you need to take risks. Risk is the substance of faith because it requires you to take Step 1 before you see Step 2. Risk compels you to action, even when there seems to be no guarantee of what will be on the other side of your choice.
But it’s those risks, large and small, that God uses to stretch you from living by sight into living by faith. By taking the risk of following God, you move from a life of independence and self-direction into a life of godly dependence and Holy Spirit direction.
The irony, as we struggle with the risks associated with faith, is that we take a greater risk by remaining independent of God than we do when we take a step of faith that seems to be risky.
If we believe what we say we believe, then, regardless of what we see on the other side of our risk, the reality is God is there. What seems to be a no-guarantee situation actually comes with the greatest guarantee of all – a God-guarantee – that he is on the other side of our choices, working all things out for the good (Romans 8:28), with plans to help us and not to hurt us (Jeremiah 29:11).
· Safe outside the boat –I have a drawing of Jesus walking on the water during a storm; the disciples are cowered in a fishing boat. I look at it and ask “Where is the safest place to be?” The obvious answer seems to be “the boat.” But the truth is, the safest place in that storm is standing next to Jesus. We only think the boat is safer.
· Safest steps – Work toward seeing faith steps as the safest steps you can take. What seems like a risk is actually a step supported by the one, true all-powerful, all-knowing, awesome God, who is wiser than the best of man’s wisdom and stronger than the best of man's strength.
· Live faithfully – As Rick Warren says in “The Purpose Driven Life,” if what you are doing doesn’t require faith, then you are living faithlessly. Ask God to reveal where you are living without faith.
we made it... barely
After one cry short of a dozen (believe me, I counted), I made it through my first day back at work in 13 weeks. I guess I should clarify that... WE made it through my first day back at work. Scott, Morgan and I all survived. It was painful, emotional and one of the most difficult things I've done, but the day is over, and all is well.
Thankfully, Scott handed over my baby to our church childhood center this morning while I said my goodbyes from home, gasping for air in between sobs, my third cry of the morning. But wouldn't you know it, the tears didn't stop there. I broke down when Scott called to tell me how the drop-off went, again when I saw the "Welcome Back, Rachel! We Missed You!" sign hanging in my office, and also with four different co-workers throughout the course of the day (how embarrassing). I made the mistake of calling the childhood center at lunchtime, and when my voice started quivering after hearing how wonderful Morgan was doing, I knew I needed to hang up. When I walked through the door to pick her up tonight and saw her smiling back at me, I lost it again. I was so happy to see my little girl!
Everyone says the days will get better, and I'm sure they will. God isn't going to give me more than I can handle. But as my profile says, change is challenging for this gal, and it couldn't be more true with this situation. I can't wait until Thursday, my day off, to spend all of my precious time with her.
Today someone from work asked, "Remember when you were pregnant and I told you that you would experience feelings for your child that you've never had before?" At the time, I could only imagine such emotion. Today I can honestly say that I know those feelings. And I know that love. I adore my Morgan.
grand finale
So this was it. This was my maternity leave. Today concludes 12 short weeks of time at home with my sweet little Morgan, and it kills me. Sure, we have all next week together at the big family gathering in Colorado, but we're not really home. And I won't be really getting that awesome one-on-one time that I've grown to love over the past three months.
As I'm watching her tonight under her baby gym, talking to the animals and pulling on their legs, I'm wondering what I'll be missing out on. And as I rock her to sleep later on, it will probably bring tears to my eyes to know that I'll only get to do that one time a day from now on, as opposed to every naptime like I've grown accustomed to doing.
With the cloud of work looming over my head, I know this vacation will be bittersweet. But at least I'll be going out with a bang, right? When it's all said and done, I'll have had a lucky 13 weeks away from work. Any chance we could be lucky lotto winners and stay-at-home parents? Nope (not when you don't even play the lottery)!
Instead I keep repeating "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" from Philippians 4:13. And I can. I will. Because He's got my back like no one else. 
cheap art
I've finally been able to put into action some ideas I've seen on those home decorating shows so many times. Here's my own artwork, courtesy of the scrapbooking paper at JoAnn Fabrics and clearance picture frames from Target. Paper has come a long way! There's so many textures, colors and prints from which to choose!
And I just love it.
