we made it... barely

After one cry short of a dozen (believe me, I counted), I made it through my first day back at work in 13 weeks. I guess I should clarify that... WE made it through my first day back at work. Scott, Morgan and I all survived. It was painful, emotional and one of the most difficult things I've done, but the day is over, and all is well.

Thankfully, Scott handed over my baby to our church childhood center this morning while I said my goodbyes from home, gasping for air in between sobs, my third cry of the morning. But wouldn't you know it, the tears didn't stop there. I broke down when Scott called to tell me how the drop-off went, again when I saw the "Welcome Back, Rachel! We Missed You!" sign hanging in my office, and also with four different co-workers throughout the course of the day (how embarrassing). I made the mistake of calling the childhood center at lunchtime, and when my voice started quivering after hearing how wonderful Morgan was doing, I knew I needed to hang up. When I walked through the door to pick her up tonight and saw her smiling back at me, I lost it again. I was so happy to see my little girl!

Everyone says the days will get better, and I'm sure they will. God isn't going to give me more than I can handle. But as my profile says, change is challenging for this gal, and it couldn't be more true with this situation. I can't wait until Thursday, my day off, to spend all of my precious time with her.

Today someone from work asked, "Remember when you were pregnant and I told you that you would experience feelings for your child that you've never had before?" At the time, I could only imagine such emotion. Today I can honestly say that I know those feelings. And I know that love. I adore my Morgan.