eleven years

Dear Morgan,

Happy eleventh birthday!

Another year has past, another year of your growing and learning and soaring.

One of my favorite parts of writing these birthday letters is studying the past year of pictures and choosing which ones most accurately represent you during this time in your life. I was never one for keeping up with baby books, but writing these letters and using photos to watch the changes from baby to toddler to school-aged girl has been incredibly rewarding. I love being able to reveal the history of you and who you are becoming - a better documentary of your life than any baby book could provide.

So year eleven. What have you been up to?

You are still cautious, but have flourished socially with your closest friends and family. It has been lovely to see God at work, answering the prayers I began all the way at the end of second grade for your path to cross with other girls who valued true friendship. Now more than ever, I am so grateful for the relationships you do have. This year, a new classmate has seamlessly been added to your crew of girls, and while you don't reveal most things, I do see the way you interact when I watch from a distance... at the bowling alley, during sports, eating at the back table while I'm sequestered to the kitchen with Dad and the boys. The giggles say it all.

As a fifth grader, there have been many more opportunities at school for you to explore. Beginning Bells, Beginning Band, more sports teams, 6th Grade Math, changing for PE, and a loud and rowdy cafeteria experience. You have done a remarkable job keeping up with these new responsibilities, knowing which day to pack a PE uniform or xylophone, staying on top of deadlines, and accomplishing everything on the list. We did have one situation involving a box of Narni-O's and two straight nights with a 10:00 bedtime. And darn it all, if you didn't get an A+.

Most things come effortlessly for you. However, you did actually learn a lesson, about practicing your xylophone. Despite knowing more about music than most kids in your class and breezing through the entire music book within the first two months of band, you got your first-ever B. You didn't practice, didn't get parent initials on your worksheet, and therefore, dropped your grade in the easiest class ever. This was agonizing for me, knowing how smart you are, especially when it comes to music. Although I'm certain it bothered me far more than it did you. Another indication that you are your mother's daughter (and so am I).

Your life is pretty orderly, and that's the way you prefer it. Systematic. When it comes to plans for the future, I actually think you may already have an idea about how things will go. Your preference for high school has already been expressed a few times, and we are fairly certain you want to be a collegiate Spartan. We shall see. Things may change, and while that's a tough pill to swallow for people like you and I, the possibility that your plans don't actually come to fruition is a very real thing. For now, just focus on fifth grade and we'll take care of the rest.

The past two years, you have been given a monthly allowance, and wow, are you a saver! You insist on having money in reserves before making a purchase, and are willing to wait until the numbers work. Being disciplined with your finances is a fantastic quality to have!

Being as steward of your money has also slowed down your interest in having a device - a smartphone, an iPod touch, an iPad, a screen. Dad and I gave you the green light if you wanted to make the purchase yourself. I think it is something you have wanted for a while, and most certainly something you can afford, but the idea of exchanging your cash for such a thing? Nope. Not ready. And neither are your friends (or their parents). This is just fine with us.

In your down-time, you still want to play and pretend and do things that others your age may find childish. You've been known to organize performances with the boys and record fake newscasts and design LEGO cities. In fact, your LEGO Friends don't just sit on display, but have places to go and things to do, directed by your imagination. I love this about you, Morgan. It's something you have always enjoyed. I remember at two years old, you lined up those chubby Little People on the living room floor and one by one, they received Holy Communion from Cookie Monster. All pretend play, and yet a perfect mirror of our life. I'm tucking moments like those into the file cabinet of my brain, especially now, as I feel like we are approaching the cusp of change. I'm not ready for the little girl days to be gone.

Piano is still a top extra-curricular, and I still think music is your thing, but somehow you have lost desire to sing. I miss hearing your voice, Morgan. Even at church you barely mumble enough to be audible. You understand so much about music and have such a beautiful voice but have become paralyzed from using it. The reason you give is that other people are watching you. I'm not sure if that's the truth or an excuse, but I also don't want to push you so far into singing on Sunday mornings that church becomes this place you dread. At the same time, I also want you to know how much God loves to hear you worship Him. He doesn't care what you sound like or who is looking. So while Dad and I have these expectations that you participate in worship, it feels like a delicate dance that we don't want to force you into. We want you to worship from the heart, not because your parents said so.

You still have a strong love for sports. Organized teams, in the front yard, or watching from the couch, it doesn't matter.You are passionate about your teams and have a committed spirit to them. Being competitive also plays a big role, although I must say, that comes out more often around the boys (brothers and cousins) than on the TCT sidelines.





































This past year your hair was the longest it has ever been, and required a great deal of maintenance and care. As beautiful as it was, the outdoor conditions of summer required your hair be tamed with braids and ponytails, and I think it frustrated you to take this step every morning, especially when we went back to school. "This is wasting my time!" you would say to me in the bathroom. Sometime in the late fall you agreed to a haircut. The finished style was so modern and mature, and you donated your hair to a local organization for kids.While you have had a much easier time caring for your hair, I do miss those long blonde locks. Your natural beauty really shines, Morgan, when your hair is free and not so precise. And let's be honest - you're not really one to be very precise with styling your hair!

Sibling rivalry is at an all-time high in our house, and I can't really say anyone is to blame in particular. In most times of conflict, you usually just boss your way out of the situation, but sometimes your feelings do feel the pain and frustration, and you retreat to your room. Your relationships with your brothers are tight, and yet also tumultuous which is why sometimes it hurts so bad. Whether you know it or not, Andrew and Matthew both are so vital to you: safety nets in uncertainty, nudges toward adventure, companions for play, practice for leadership, an audience for comedy, and scapegoats for misbehaving. They boost your confidence, notice your beauty and abilities, and still give you enough push-back to let you know they aren't doormats.

I mentioned earlier that it seems like we are getting ready to knock on the door of change, and I don't just mean the continual physical changes that happen every year as your grow. Not even the emotional ones that come, too. It's the relational changes that are looming in the not so distant future. With maturity comes independence, and just as you outgrew your needs as a baby, so will you outgrow your needs as a tween. A little less of Mom and Dad, and a little more Morgan.

Like a pile of sand in an open hand, I'm trying to gently cup the grains as they rest in my palm comfortably. Gripping too tight will make the sand compress and escape. Being careless and opening my palm too much will have the same affect - the sand will escape. But holding with just the right touch will allow the sand to remain. So Dad and I both try to hold on gently to you, Morgan. We use an enormous amount of restraint to make sure we converse with you, not probe. We watch from a distance without hovering. You navigate and steer, and we only take the wheel when absolutely necessary. We aren't always great at those things, in fact sometimes we really are too much, but we know that your success depends largely on your ability to gain confidence through independence, and so we try to adhere to those ideals. If you fall off that tightrope you've decided to walk, we might not always catch you, but we sure will help you clean the wound and find a Band-Aid. We always will.

For now, though, we are enjoying a sacred time with you. Evenings after the boys go to bed are special for the three of us as we play games or quiz you on vocab words. Sometimes, we'll even catch a cooking competition together on Food Network or watch a movie that the boys aren't quite ready for. In a world where time so is fleeting, and in our house where there are many needs to be fulfilled, it's a gift that we can spend this good time with you, Morgan.

Often times when we leave town from a weekend visit, G.G. will be there to send us off. And when we hug and kiss goodbye, she's sure to say "Take the Lord with you." It may seem like she's merely wishing us well as we drive home across the state, but actually, her sentiment is more. It's one I pray for you, Morgan. That you take the Lord with you in all you do. It won't always be easy, and it won't always be at the forefront of your choices. But take Him... in the streets, in the crowds, in the home, all alone. Oh, and if there's anything that might spark your interest in singing again, this old gospel just might do the trick. Google it sometime.




















Morgan, I love you. Always and forever.

Mom

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."  Zephaniah 3:17